Can you guys believe that 4 years of my life and thousands of dollars in tuition lead up to this moment, and all we got out of it was a ridiculous hat?
Anyways, there鈥檚 something I鈥檝e been thinking about. Each 5C has their own identity. What about us?
Scripps鈥� only real identity within the 5C鈥檚 is that we鈥檙e the 鈥渨omen鈥檚 college.鈥� But we鈥檙e not even all women. So really our only shared identity is gender-based discrimination? Yikes.
But maybe what brings us together is NOT discrimination, rather our desire to uplift and support each other in spite of said discrimination. We as Scrippsies are all in some way are told by the world around us that we are less qualified and less deserving of the space we are in on basis of our gender. And many of us are held to even higher standards on basis of race, queerness, class, nationality, etc. We are here because we want to be in an environment where those standards don鈥檛 really apply.
As we leave this community, many of us will enter workplaces that don鈥檛 look like 五月天视频and that don鈥檛 feel like Scripps. Many of us will find ourselves in male-dominated fields and environments.
There was a statistic I read somewhere some time ago that鈥檚 really stuck with me. Women (and otherwise Scripps-gendered people I鈥檇 assume, but I don鈥檛 think the study really took that into account) when applying to jobs on a website like LinkedIn or whatnot will only apply to a job if they meet every qualification and recommended skill. Men, on the other hand, will apply if they meet at least two. And it really made me realize how we can internalize the standards we are held to and hold ourselves to them.
I was on my first grad school visit over spring break for a computer science PhD program. I walk into the room for the little intro talk and sit myself near the front. A girl comes in and takes the seat next to me. And then it hits me. She鈥檚 the first girl I鈥檇 seen come into that room. So I take a look around, and to put it likely, it was no Scripps. A little intimidating! As I was wondering, 鈥渨hy is this place so overrun with men?鈥� I thought back to the statistic. It wasn鈥檛 that there were more men admitted to the CS PhD program because they were smarter, or more deserving or qualified, but because they had no one telling them they weren鈥檛. And they also weren鈥檛 telling themselves that.
So how do we as Scripps-gendered people navigate those types of environment? Personally, I like to 鈥渁pply like a man.鈥� By that, I mean I always assume I am qualified and deserving of the opportunities I pursue and the places I end up. I apply to jobs regardless of how confident I am that I can get them. If I get it, great! And if not, I wouldn鈥檛 have anyways if I didn鈥檛 apply.聽 Even beyond the application, when I鈥檓 on projects or teams or jobs, I accept that the fact I am there means that I deserve to be there. The very fact we have access to these opportunities proves that we are qualified for them.
It’s not just about where we are now, but where we want to be. And where we will be– When I toured grad schools, I noticed myself looking for students who were like me. Were there non-male students in these programs? Did they seem included, or were they shying away and letting the men do most of the talking? Were there queer and gender non-conforming students? Did they seem accepted? It made me realize that once I reach that place, prospective students like me will see me in that environment, and use my confidence as a way of measuring whether they can succeed there. And even beyond that, there are students doing the same now. There are Scripps-gendered students who want to do the things I鈥檓 doing and see me as evidence that they can. This is the case for all of us; whether or not you like it, you鈥檙e a role model. Younger people like us look for us in the places they want to be to measure whether they can succeed. They look for our presence, but also for how we carry ourselves, and how comfortable we are.
Now, my point is not to make yourself seem more happy or confident or comfortable just to lie to young women and transgender folk who aspire to be where you are.聽 But it鈥檚 important to consider that being part of this community means that every step you take paves the way for others in it to follow.
I get that it鈥檚 one thing for me to just talk about taking up space, and being confident鈥� But how do you do it? Well, you lie to yourself. No, not really. As the first bit of this speech has made clear, you are qualified. You are deserving. You鈥檙e awesome. That bit鈥檚 not a lie but moving through life and constantly being doubted and pushed aside can make it feel like a lie. So 鈥渓ie鈥� to yourself, until it feels like it鈥檚 the truth. Fake it to make it, and all that good stuff.
This means celebrating and amping up your achievements, but it also means accepting your faults and mistakes and moving forward anyways. Everyone does stupid things, yet Scripps-gendered people are often held to higher levels of accountability. Rather, we hold ourselves to higher levels of accountability than our cis male peers. Guys, I鈥檓 going to get real with you. I鈥檝e seen men push some horrible code to final repositories with the confidence of a 3-time Olympic gold medalist, delay project progress, screw over multiple other people, and show up the next day like nothing happened. And I鈥檓 not saying that we should not be held accountable for our mistakes, but we shouldn鈥檛 dwell on them or let them define us. We deserve forgiveness. We shouldn鈥檛 look down, but up and forward, and around.
Leverage your mentors. Find people in your new communities who you can lean on for support and guidance. In my own experience, it鈥檚 important to have people to complain to, because you will always have things to complain about. At least I do. Maybe that鈥檚 a me thing. Still, it鈥檚 always useful to have people who鈥檝e been where you are and made it out.
Leverage your peers too. Make friends in your workplace and find spaces outside of it where you feel comfortable. It鈥檚 hard leaving behind all the community we鈥檝e spent four years cultivating, but our connections here are a testament to the fact we can build those connections anywhere. Take what you鈥檝e learned and bring it with you into all the awesome place鈥檚 you鈥檙e gonna end up.
And also, stay in touch with the people you鈥檝e met here. Just because we鈥檙e going our own way doesn鈥檛 mean we have to abandon this community. It stays with us, just differently. I was at the senior gallery opening a few weeks back, standing in front of my piece and chatting with some really drunk alumni who came to look at it. They asked me the very loaded question, 鈥渉ow do you feel about graduating?鈥� I was like, 鈥渢o be honest, I鈥檓 kind of terrified, and I鈥檓 really gonna miss my friends.鈥� And they assured me that your connections follow you even outside of college, and that this doesn鈥檛 have to be the last time we get drunk together. Maybe we鈥檒l be back in 10 years to become some very tipsy scrippsies and impart some drunken wisdom on the 五月天视频class of 鈥�34 in their moment of need.
And most importantly, take care of yourself! Being kind to yourself is still being kind. It鈥檚 the most important kindness, in my opinion. Like when you have a choice between finishing a homework assignment and going to bed before midnight鈥攚ell, I guess that one doesn鈥檛 apply to a lot of us anymore, but you get the point鈥攇o to bed! Your classes last a semester, but you last your entire life. You are the only thing that you鈥檙e stuck with, so make choices that put you first.
Anyways, I鈥檓 going to miss you lot of weirdos. But I鈥檓 very proud of all you have accomplished up until now, and very excited to see what you keep doing as you go off into the world. Thank you.